Hey friends, so no I did not just give birth. Twelve Years ago I had my fist child and by virtue of her birth I was initiated into the club of all things motherhood. My husband will share crazy stories of my labor and delivery but the truth is (i will admit) that I was scared out of my mind. I am epileptic and have systemic lupus both of which made my pregnancies high risk.
Fast forward to her delivery . . . I felt like I was lost. I didn’t have those overwhelming emotions other women speak about. I was rather indifferent. I can’t say if it was the drugs, or the fact that because she was born via c-section I felt they had taken away the natural birth experience I was looking forward to. I recall thinking I was going to be a horrible mom because I didn’t ‘love her’ at first sight the way OTHERS told me I should.
But here’s the thing . . .once the drugs wore off and hormones started regulating, I felt love for my kid. Love that is unmistakably unconditional. Maddy is my heart and soul. I began to understand what it meant to have your heart outside of your body.
My daughter is smart, beautiful, kind, and loving. She is a preteen girl so all of the ‘stuff’ that goes along with that is here too. But my daughter is an old soul. She enjoys family and quiet time. She understands the importance of education. She is modest and reserved. NOTHING LIKE ME. Where she is an introvert I’m the extrovert. We complement each other. She has taught me how to love, how to be patient, how to quiet the mind and soul to become more in tune with self. I’ve learned all of this from someone who’s just turning 12 years old.
I am so proud to be called Maddie’s mom. It’s a title that humbles me to no end. I know that she is only on loan from God and as her mom it’s my job to teach and raise her up to the best of my ability. Every day I pray that I am living up to those expectations. I love my daughter and on this, her 12th birthday both her daddy and I wish her the very best this life has to offer.